Major Edward Elric
by BlessedSiochan
Summary: REWRITE ON NEW ACCOUNT A new subject will be taught at Hogwarts this year. Who better to teach it than a prodigy? But a class filled with rowdy students is REALLY bad for an eighteen year old with a short complex... T for Language and possible Violence
1. The Itsy Bitsy Professor

(this is based off of the original Fullmetal Alchemist anime rather than Brotherhood. Art by CuteeNelliel and myself.)

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**This is the rewrite of **(can you guess?)** the story Major Edward Elric **(surprise)** originally by Vita-de-Incendia. Of course, that is my old account so I can say, "HEY, I WROTE THIS, YO!" **

**Reason for rewriting it? I one day decided to take a look at my old account and found this story people seemed to love so much. But, when I was reading through it, I couldn't help but wince and moan every other line saying: "I USED TO WRITE THIS SHET?" Thus, here I am, calming my poor frayed nerves and giving it another go. It is pretty much the same story with some new twists and **(obviously)** going to be continued from where I left off **(more or less)**. **

**Though, I am more likely to post a new chapter with the more love I get **(hint hint)**. **

**I hope you enjoy! Constructive Criticism is helpful! I want to make this the best I can! **(and suggestions? love them. If you read the original, things you think I should change from that when I write this?)

**Much love,**

BlessedSiochan

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**Enter: The Itsy Bitsy Professor**

**Chapter One  
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That time of the year had come again and the young witches and wizards of the wizarding world found themselves back at the school that had been a battleground only the year before. Voldemort was vanquished and everything seemed very much back to normal. Of course, with old hardships gone, it was only a matter of time before something new and unseen decided to throw itself in their faces. They just didn't know it would be so soon - and in the form of a really bad joke.

Who would think an inflexible black-haired military man would have a sense of humor? Honestly, one certain subordinate of his didn't have one.

He should have known better.

Harry, Hermione, and Ron had once more found themselves the inevitable center of attention of both old friends and new ogle-eyed admirers who could not help but zero in on some of the most famous celebrities in all of the wizarding world. If they could fit in well enough before, how could they possibly think they could now? But they weren't the only ones who came back a year to finish what they missed. The prior year had hardly been the paramount circumstances. Things were changing.

"So, what do you think it's going to be?" Harry asked, clearing his throat in an attempt to ignore the eyes that drilled into the back of his skull. "You've got to hand it McGonagall, though, for taking some of the spotlight off of us."

Hermione smiled and stabbed the plate with her fork, hardly paying attention to her food. "The _Chosen One _is saying this? To be _out_ of the spot light? What _is_ this world coming to?" She grinned.

Harry ignored that.

"Perhaps a tournament," Ron told his friend with a dreamy look on his face. His fork touched to his lips. "Like... the Triwizard without psychotic, murderous snake-men and his minions."

"I doubt it," Hermione disagreed, scraping the remains of her dinner to the corner of the plate. "After what happened last year, I don't think our parents and the parents of the rest of the school would allow it. They'd be banging at our front doors and demanding the Headmistress' resignation! I'm guessing her "big surprise" is more along the lines of those new teachers that we are in sore need of. Or perhaps a change in curriculum!" Only she would be so excited with such things. Though you had to admit, that _would _be pretty exciting.

"New classes?" Ron demanded, fist on the table. "How would that be bloody surprising? _Like hell there is going to be new classes!_" Harry refused to intervene on that one, deciding it was better not to jump in front of Hermione's suddenly venomous gaze. But, he cleared his throat and stabbed his fork in the direction of where McGonagall sat and was now moving to stand. He remembered how Albus would stand up at the beginning of every year and address the school. A twist entered his stomach and he lost his appetite. Things really were different, weren't they? No matter what illusion they tried to put up…

"As you all know," she began after clearing her throat to get their attention, "there are going to be changes made this year. Though we are not going to be returning to a Hogwarts you all know and love, we all will work together to make this place into our home once more and heal the wounds that were made into the heart of this school." Her eyes swept over the assembled students, glancing quickly at the row of teachers. "First off, I wish to announce that our curriculum will be altered this year. All the same classes will be kept, except, of course," she drummed her fingers on the wood before her, "this "Dark Arts" class. As it is, that will be returning to what we know as our Defense Against the Dark Arts and taught by-"

The doors at the end of the Great Hall banged open without ceremony and every eye in the Hall turned immediately towards it expectantly. Some, with only a mix of trepidation. Stepping through the doors came a young man of no more then eighteen years. He was dressed in a foreign military uniform that was stiff and polished. The wearer, however, was hardly that. Rather, he looked incredibly out of place in the royal blue fabric, polished black boots that clicked on the floor. If his uniform was polished and stiff, he was a fish out of water. The soldier's face was hostile and holding an incredible amount of disdain for the world. Especially his surroundings. His boots clicked together upon reaching the front and he gave an absent and weak two-fingered salute. Now his face was bored.

The hall seemed to be holding its breath in anticipation so thick it could be cut with a knife.

"Major Edward Elric, Ma'am," he began in a bored tone, pulling something out of his coat over his breast. He flicked it up in his fingers. "A letter from the Fuhrer to the…" He glanced at the gold letters on the envelop and flipped it over again, "…Headmistress of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry." Any one who could see his face well would notice that flicker of annoyance and incredulity. But, he still handed it over and stuffed one hand in his pocket, drawing out an ornate, silver pocket watch to glance at the time. His weight shifted to one foot. The hinge was broken but he popped it open then shut it again.

McGonagall closed the letter and slid it behind her back to hold it with both hands. She looked the man over and gave him a smile. "We welcome you to Hogwarts, Professor Elric. We hope you find your stay comfortable."

A twitch spasmed at the man's brow and he lifted gold eyes that began to narrow. He said nothing.

"I hope your Fuhrer made the proper choice in sending his best. My request was quite specific. Will you join us? I believe that everything is ready and your things moved in. Will you join us for the feast? You are just on time." However, all eyes zeroed in on the one named Elric as his shoulders tensed and upper lip twitched dangerously. His fist clenched, head jerked forward, and gold eyes brimmed with such intense murderous intent it even put the Headmistress aback.

"The hell…?" he growled between his teeth before his fist swung out and he shook it at the ceiling. "_That fucking bastard is going to suffer the pain of a thousands deaths when I can get back to wring out his scrawny little neck!"_

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**The review box is just below. Perhaps spaz against the keyboard a bit and put something there? :D**


	2. The Alchemic, and Word of, Taboo

**The Alchemic, and Word of, Taboo**

**Chapter Two**

_**SHUT THE HELL UP**_

Those words were the first things that greeted the new students as they filed into the chamber. Written on a large, black chalkboard, one could hardly miss those few authoritative letters that seemed to express everything going on in the head of the one who wrote them. And he was no where to be seen.

"Do you think he's alright?" Ron whispered to Hermione behind his hand, eyes focused on the board.

"Yes, why? Do you think he got hurt?"

"I mean in the bloody head, Hermione."

"Would you two shut up?" Harry demanded, peeved. He wasn't sure what was up with them but they had been doing nothing but arguing lately and over the most menial things. And he was fed up with it, ready to give both of them a good spanking.

"And to answer your question, Ron, you don't need to be sane to teach around here." Ron snickered at that but cleared his throat heavily at Hermione's disapproving stare that was focused on the two of them.

"But how old do you think he is, though? He can't be older than us. Do you think they'd hire a kid to teach us? Though, honestly, this is child's play anyw-"

"Good to know, freckle face," came in a low voice, causing Weasley to jerk around and slam his head into his desk as he missed the chair. Behind him was the blonde-haired professor with his entire five feet and four inches of glory. The room fell silent at seeing him but the professor only had eyes for one man. Ron rubbed his head and groaned. "I'm eighteen, for your information, you lanky bastard, so if I were you, I would take your seat like a good little boy before those freckles become a mass in the middle of your face because. of. my._ fist_." Said between clenched teeth and with growing emphasis, his fist was beginning to tremble beside his own head.

"Let it lie, Ron," Hermione hissed, grabbing his robes and jerking him into his chair.

Scant objections.

"Good choice. Now, unless anyone else wants to comment upon my… _inadequacies_, get your asses back in your seats, face your heads forward and take my words of wisdom to heart." Marching up to the front of the class, he turned and planted his feet firmly with his fists at his hips. He wasn't dressed the same as before. Now he was all in black with a long-sleeved red coat that was definitely not wizard robes. As ever, his hands were covered in gloves. His eyes surveyed the class with a piercing gaze. "Now, I sure as hell don't want to be here so if any of you _act out of line_, I will fuck you up good and thorough. If you don't want to figure out what it feels like to be six feet in the ground with solid rock to your chin, I'd-" He slapped his hand to the board beneath those four bold words.

"This is a no-nonsense class. Anyone acting out of line, disobeying _any one _of my rules will not only be kicked out but find out a little bit about my _own _sense of justice. Capisce?" he cracked his knuckles meaningfully. "Now that we understand each other, let us get started."

He twisted some, moving his hand and flipping the board over. On the back was draw a mass of intricate lines interwoven within two interlocking circles. Perfectly symmetrical. Beneath it was written two words: **Equivalent Exchange.** Leaning back against it, he jerked his thumb over his shoulder in its direction. "Tell me, does anyone know what this means? If you don't know this and have it buried in your brains by the end of TODAY, you will _not _learn Alchemy, _not _stay in this class, and look like a total dimwit for not understanding the most basic principle of Alchemy."

Hermione's hand shot in the air and his gold eyes focused on her face.

"Go for it."

"Humankind cannot got gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is Alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange."

Elric didn't look at her, instead, digging his index finger in his ear and gazing up at the ceiling then down at his finger as he flicked something away. "Read that verbatim, why don't you? That shows true inflexibility and lack of creativity. At least paraphrase once in awhile, will you? And I will be forever grateful."

Hermione blushed while Ron and Harry snickered. They weren't the only ones.

"But, this is quite correct. Absolutely nothing can be gained without something else being given up in the exact amount that is requested by the Alchemist." He lifted a finger, eyes narrowing. "If you do not understand this, you might as well get out. Especially if you do not plan to follow it. Alchemy has its own way of extracting its price. If anything happened at all. If you want a statue, you need the exact amount of matter you need to form it. You cannot take a pebble like this," he opened his palm, "and make it into a boulder. That just doesn't happen. Equivalent Exchange. One thing... for another."

If that was hard enough to drill into the minds of a mass of wizards and witches who could take what they wanted nearly from thin air. But, that wasn't totally accurate. It was still an understandable concept. The professor closed his eyes. "Now high-tail it out of here if you cannot accept that. Alchemy has rules. And lots of them. It is not "magic" but a science. I have absolutely no idea what you pussies who wave around twigs can do but you're gonna have to push that out of your mind if you want to work Alchemy. What you cannot do with your own two hands, you cannot do in Alchemy, got it?"

He could have sworn his classroom was cut in half by the time he was finished saying all that. Good. The more he could scare away the better. Hell, if they all disappeared, his life would be so much easier.

"Alchemy is the breaking down and rebuilding of matter. You cannot create or destroy it. You can diminish it to its most diminutive building blocks but matter can neither be created nor destroyed. Also known as the Law of Conservation of Mass. Thus, to be of any use to me, each and every one of you must have _this _memorized." He lifted a piece of paper and smirked. "Have this memorized by the end of _this week_ and no later. The earlier the better. This, my friends, is the Periodic Table of the Elements."

Hermione grinned. "I learned that in grade school," she whispered to her two neighbors. "Its important to muggles."

Ron whispered back. "What the hell is it?"

"A tabular display of the chemical elements organized on the basis of their atomic numbers and chemic properties."

"English, Hermione. English. Pretend I'm an idiot."

Hermione gave him a long look. Before she opened her mouth and scowled. "You _are, _Ron. It's-"

"-a chart of the building blocks of all matter. The stuff everything is made out of. From the chair you are sitting on to the hair on your head. Everything on there can be combined with something else to produce what you see in the world." The professor looked displeased, the two of them having shut up the moment he began speaking, interrupting Hermione and putting in his own explanation. "Now can you two shut up and let me speak?"

He jerked around and stabbed his thumb into the array just beneath the words **Equivalent Exchange**. "Next, this is the device you use to use Alchemy. Got that? That in English?"

Ron frowned.

"A Transmutation Circle."

"Thank you for stating the obvious, miss. Do you want to be the professor?"

Hermione shook her head.

"I thought so. Now, this is a Transmutation Circle. An… Alchemic Array. This is absolutely necessary to produce all Alchemic reactions. Also known as Transmutations - the changing into another nature, substance, form, or condition. Water to Ice. Glass to Steel. Iron to Gold." Some whispers erupted from that. Gold, the magic word. Anyone who knew about "alchemy" would know it's sole reason for existence was to search for a way to produce gold out of another substance and for… immortality. Of course, Elric knew this.

"Also, transmuting anything into gold is a capital offense. Anyone doing this…" He looked meaningfully at them and cracked his neck. "Now, back to the Transmutation Circle. This device is used to conduct the energy of the Alchemist. Sort of like… your…" he snapped how fingers, looking for a word, "wands. You can cast spells with them because it conducts your, shall we call it power? Or I assume. I would guess your "magic" doesn't come from the wands themselves. Rather are conductors. Hence, it wouldn't be too hard to believe that it is possible for someone of great skill to produce a "spell" without the use of your conductor… the wand."

A hand shot up immediately. "So it is possible to do Alchemy without a Transmutation Circle, professor?"

Edward Elric's hands flexed behind his back, his chin tilting down some as his eyes closed. Harry lowered his hand and glanced once at his friends then back at their new professor. His gold hair covered his eyes a fraction before he tilted his head back and looked at those green eyes with his gold hues iron-hard. "It is not possible. We are not gods... Mr. Potter, is it? Nor shall we pretend to be so. Alchemy is a science with rules that must be followed at all costs. I suggest you keep that in mind." He turned away and moved to his desk and picked up a pile of papers. He slapped it on the desk of the student in front of him. "Pass these out. All of you will have these memorized and put to heart. Understand them. If you have questions, don't be a dumbass and not ask. Better to look like a dunce than a numskull."

Hermione picked up the chart and looked it over quickly. She lifted a brow and pulled it closer, not sure if she was reading it wrong or not. Slapping it on her desk, she quickly lifted her hand. "Professor! Are you sure this is right? The table isn't complete. You made it far too short to be-"

A vein popped in his temple and he jerked around grabbing the front of her robes and shaking her with enough force to make her head wobble. "_**WHO THE HELL DID YOU CALL MINIATURE SIZED, YOU PUNK?**_"

"Bloody hell? What the fuck is wrong with you?" Ron grabbed the back of his coat and tugged, trying to pry those vises from Hermione's throat.

"Eh? Eh? Who's the bean? _WHO'S THE BEAN_?"

"Professor!"

The Slytherins grinned.

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**Well, there it is...  
I reread it through several times but inevitably there will be a few mistakes from tense mistakes to typos. I understand that ^^;**

**Though, if I put some incorrect information in, I would like to know... Of course, remember, this is based off of the original FMA rather than FMAB!  
**

Thanks and much love!**  
**

( oh, and that review box... it's very lonely down there. just tell it you love it and it won't cry those lonely tears... ]; )


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